A letter to my body

A letter to my body

My beloved little, sassy, charming, strong, healthy body… I love you so very much. I am sorry I mistreated you for a while in the last few years. I was so disconnected from you and didn’t even realized the extent of damage I was causing you. I know how hurt you felt and how many times you yelled trying to let me know, but I still didn’t care. I was too much caught in my mind to stop and feel you properly. I was in so much emotional pain after the end of my relationship that I disconnect entirely from you in the unconscious attempt to stop the pain. I neglected you. I didn’t feed you correctly, and even worse I poisoned you with toxic people, things, emotions, food, alcohol and all.

I know now looking back, that you did try really hard to wake me up, but I couldn’t get it. I was out of you. Although I thought I loved you, I didn’t know how to love. I know now.

To love is to care, to nourish, to listen to, to feed with attention, to stop when necessary and to give a push when its needed too. I was caring more for others than I was for you. But now I know better.

You gave me the biggest fright of my life when cancer came, and I immediately woke up to you and for life. I woke up to what matters and what doesn’t. Then I instantly let go of the toxic and turned towards you, my beloved body, my buddy because I love you so very much. You are absolutely amazing, and I are now standing up for me. We are stronger together. You know that now I only give you the best and I chose the right food for you, the right friends, the right activities and intensity, the right energy.

I am fully committed to you as I promised you and I will never betray you again. After the two surgeries, I did promise you, and I will honor my word. No aggressive treatments, no injection or poison chemicals into you. We will do it together. From now on I will take care of you with the most natural stuff, with only the most deserving quality people in my life, because we can and we will.

I love you so very much. From now on only health and love.

namaste-hands

Feeling happy for nothing

What’s the difference between people that seems to be constantly in a state of happiness or joy or contentment and the others that don’t?

I have asked that question my whole life.  I have studied so many philosophies and read hundreds of yoga, enlightenment, self-help books and attended to hundreds of seminars in the same line as well.  I have travelled to countries and visited sacred places and I couldn’t find the answer.

It was only the last year or so that I started to tip into it!  The one common thing that was taught in all these media I mentioned above in my journey into self-discovery was that they all talked about being in the moment and love yourself more and foremost.  I knew all of that intellectually as many do, but I didn’t know that practically.

Last few years have been a rough ride. I have through and survived depression I lived with for three years. Then only last year the most shocking was diagnosed with early stage of “C”.  And if that is not enough I have to move out from the former home of Yoga Essence, where we lived for 8 years.

On 25 October, around 11:30 I received, by mistake, on the phone, the news about my diagnoses. My life took the turn to be best of me and yet the best part of my life that was and is ahead.  The next four hours that followed were indeed the worse four hours of my entire life and I went to the most rock bottom, which I thought I had reached before when going through depression.  But then, and yes, just suddenly, everything I have studied all the years before and most of my life, started to make sense, so much sense!

I suddenly started to see the incredible strong yet gentle soul I am, the beautiful things I have achieved in my life and the people and projects that were truly important to me.  From that day on, my life changed drastically.  I suddenly didn’t care more about what other people think about me apart from the ones I loved the most and even them, I care only to a certain extent.  In the past I used to say “Be in the present moment”,  “Be in your now”,  “I live in the now” became truly honest and possible and I started to LIVE IN THE NOW.  Its truly what we have in life and I understand now how difficult it is for people to grasp it and most importantly to live it.

That’s why now I know how easy it is to say nice and enlightening words that we read in books or hear from yoga Masters and others.  But truly live it and say it is two very different things. I know that now!

Feeling happy, joyful or contented or sad or angry or frustrated is just a feeling.  Feelings come and goes.  If you treat feelings as feelings they don’t transform into emotions, which are the ones that really trap us into past or future and block the energy in our lives in the Now.

We are eternal beings. We are souls living a human existence!  The only certainty we have in this lifetime is that everything passes.  Nothing is permanent.  That feeling happy is a moment thing.  Hopefully, this moment thing will last longer and longer.

When we live life from this perspective and exercise it, we live in the moment, in the Now.

And then, feeling happy for nothing!

Namaste